New Year’s Resolutions: The Year 2020

Recapitulate the whiz-bang knob on my holodeck

Buy a new face for my iSexbot

Dodge draft for military service in Machine Wars

Make pilgrimage to recently unveiled Google product: Google Fountain of Youth

Put Segway on Ebay

Watch Cloned Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve

Buy new vinyl-only album releases by Pixies, Alice in Chains, Blur, Rolling Stones

Go see James Cameron’s technologically innovative new film, ‘Biomorphosphere.’ Viewing the film requires a single binocular worn on your third eye

Take moon boots to robocobbler

Transcend biology

Survive daily onslaught of tsunamis, hurricanes, hordes of zombie Nazis

Pimp my DeLorean

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